Our Pathetic Attempt At A Harry Potter Fanfic
by LC and RC
Summary: Harry is an idiot and Malfoy is the (dum dum dum) protagontist.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer-We don't own any of the characters in Harry Potter. Don't sue us. We're broke. Maybe if your lucky and you sue us you'll get a copy of Harry Potter and two quarters. That's if you're Lucky. Otherwise.....pocket lint....... probably dark colored. Oh well! ^-^'

Our Pathetic Attempt at a Harry Potter Fanfic

By Random Classmate and Lady Christina

Where to begin??..... We find our "hero" at the robe shop...... (who's name we have temporarily forgotten ^-^') ahem... and our "villain" trying on robes (obviously; **Lady Christina** sez: Really? I thought they were trying on shoes... **Random Classmate **sez: Idiot.... *shakes head mumbling* **Lady Christina** sez: BACK TO THE STORY!!!!!!) If you don't know who the hero and the villain are then you shouldn't be reading this, idiot. GO READ HARRY POTTER THEN COME BACK AND TRY AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!! Moving on... 

Harry says,"Purple monkeys fly backwards thru arctic jungles!!!" then smiles proudly at his "intelligent" statement. 

Draco asks, giving him an odd look,"What have you been smoking??"

Harry replies, beaming,"Nofins...." (**Lady Christina **sez: Translation-AbsolutelynothingwhatareyoutalkingaboutI'veneversmokedinmylife!!! **Random Classmate** sez: But there was that one time when you fell asleep in the middle of the road chanting "the flowers are coming"........ **Lady Christina **sez: You were the one who came up with Harry's first line in the entire fic.... BESIDES THAT'S NOT TRUE!!! **Random Classmate **sez: So......any way...)

Draco continues to look at him like he should be hanging at Rutledge's (Play American McGee's Alice if you really want to know... **Lady Christina **sez: Just tell them. **Random Classmate **sez: It's an Insane Asylum. You see... **Lady Christina **sez: Don't start.... you realize this is turning into more of an argument between authors than a Harry Potter fanfic.)He finally gets the courage to say, " My name is Draco Malfoy. I'm sure you've heard of my father Lucius Malfoy he works for the Ministry of Magic." Draco smirked at this comment and thought _Another goon to do my bidding. yay.... _

Harry stood puzzled. _Ministry of Magic?? Lucius Malfoy??? Who the...?This guy's on crack... _" No I can't say I have heard of a Lucius Malfoy?? Why is he important???" Draco eye's widened in shock and fury. 

"OF COURSE HE'S IMPORTANT YOU FOOLISH IMBECILE!!!!!!!"Draco hissed angrily, "MY FATHER IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT MEN IN THE HISTORY OF THE WIZARDING WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN! UNDER A STAIRCASE FOR THE PAST 11 YEARS!!!!!!!" 

Harry nods proudly. "Yep!" Harry watched as a butterfly flew past the window. "Pretty......." He began to drool staring at the insect.

Draco thought _not only is he an idiot but he's got the attention span of a dead flea living inside a 2000 pound walrus. _(**Lady Christina **sez : How can it be living in the walrus if it's dead?? **Random Classmate **sez: Fine it is _not_ living in a 2000 pound walrus... better??? **Lady Christina **sez: A bit... *grumble*)

"How would you like to be my go--friend?? Yes my good friend...", said Draco attempting to be slick.( Random Classmate and Lady Christina sez in unison: Like his hair...)

Harry still entranced by the @#$% butterfly says" Okay... Can I have a cookie?"( **Random Classmate **sez: I want one too!!!!!!)

Draco slaps him and says," No, you idiot."

Harry looks at Draco pathetically "Oww. That Hurt.................... Please"

"No."

"Please."

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(**Lady Christina **interrupting sez: THAT'S ENOUGH!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND THE SAKE OF HUMANITY, GIVE HIM A FRIGGEN COOKIE!!!! **Random Classmate **sez: Get me one too!!! **Lady Christina **sez: Do you really want a cookie? **Random Classmate **sez: Yuppers)

Draco becoming quite peeved says," Fine get a @#$%ing cookie I don't care!!!!!!!"

Harry stared at the floor. And Began to weep dramatically. Draco rolled his eyes. 

End Of Chapter One 

LC- So.. Whaddya think???

RC-Scared yet??

LC- *evil laugh*

RC-Have you taken your medication???

LC*stares at ground shuffling feet*


	2. The Continuation

Random Classmate and Lady Christina Strike Back!!!!!

Disclaimer-We love you all. Don't sue us. We don't take credit for the names in this fic. We take money!!!!!*both nod in unison*

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The Continuation....

Introduction: This is Chapter 2 of our story. You may remember Chapter 1, where we established the fact that Harry Potter is a crack-head and Malfoy is a brilliant main-character-of-a-genius. Run now. Run for your miserable life while you still can!! (**Random Classmate sez: ** Unless your life isn't miserable. Then just run for your life. **Lady Christina sez: **Shut up! You're ruining the drama! **Random Classmate sez: **Sowry. **Lady Christina sez: **Hmph..... Don't let it happen again....)

The Actual Story-

"Idiot Boy!!" Draco yelled at his "servant."

Harry looked up from his Transfiguration homework, which closely resembled a goblet-shaped bird....or maybe a bird-shaped goblet?....Anyway: "Huh?"

"I want...a...cup...of...GROG!!"

"Huh?" Someone seemed to have left his conscious mind in the classroom today.

Rolling his eyes, Malfoy repeated himself. "I want...a...cup...of...GROG!!" Draco, believing that he had made a grave mistake in choosing Harry Pothead as his personal slave, again rolled his eyes, and got his own damn grog.

Professor Snape entered the Slytherin common room. He saw the infamous Harry Pothead sitting and chatting with his favorite pupil.

Snape, enraged, yelled to Harry, "STOP FLIRTING WITH PANSY PARKINSON!!"

"Huh...?" Harry looked over, idiotically as always.

Snape, respectively, shoved him out of the common room, then turned to stare angrily at Draco. "Why was that [insert the nastiest, most insulting name/word you can think of HERE] in **_MY_** common room?!?!?!"

Draco sat looking puzzled at his Potions professor. "B-but I thought this was the Slytherin common room....?"

Snape swiftly gave him a "nice hard smack" across the face. (**Lady Christina sez:** Someone is on crack today, RC. **Random Classmate** quietly raises her hand....and points at **Lady Christina.** **Lady Christina **holds up a mirror. "Hah!" and **Random Classmate **kicks her in the shin, causing her to drop her mirror."Hahaha!" **Lady Christina sez: *feeeeeep*** you, RC!!! Let's-- **Random Classmate sez: **Chrisi-teeny! **Lady Christina sez:** ***feeeeeep* **it!! Let's just get on with the ***feeeep***ing fanfiction!)

Suddenly, Malfoy thought up a plan to keep his slave _and _give his father an opportunity to kill Harry Potter in the name of Lord Voldemort. "He's my sla--friend! And besides, Harry is _in _Slytherin."

Snape glared at him, trying to determine his level of honesty, and thinking to recall the list of students that he kept in his office. "Hmm.... Are you certain?"

Malfoy nodded. "Positive."

"Very well." The Professor sighed.

He opened the portal-thingy to let Harry back in, but alas! Harry had disappeared!

~~~~~~~~~

End-o Chapter 2-o.


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